Utterly Bamboozled
by I am Frankenteen
Summary: Harry and Draco are sent on an alcohol run which, undoubtedly, they mess up. They soon find themselves lost, drunk, and utterly bored. The only thing left to do is get along. Right?
1. Why is the Fire Whiskey Always Gone?

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Chapter 1

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Harry wouldn't have liked it if he were sober. Harry wouldn't have laughed at all his jokes, if he were sober. But he wasn't. He was sloshed. And he was walking down a corridor, alone, with Draco Malfoy.

Harry had agreed to accompany Ron and Hermione to one of the famous Slytherin parties, rather reluctantly, and before they even reached the doors, he had regretted his decision. He wasn't at all interesting in seeing people. Walking into the Slytherin common room, his fears were confirmed. All around the room, there were people mingling: Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and even a small amount of Ravenclaws had turned out.

After grabbing himself a drink, Harry immediately retreated to a corner. It was a habit of his; sneaking away and watching from the sidelines, trying to avoid attention as much as possible.  
Due to his discomfort, Harry drank drink after drink, and after a while, he started to become more comfortable in his surroundings. He was almost enjoying himself.

Harry was woozy, his vision blurred and he could barely walk in a straight line. Amazingly, he was still in better shape than a majority of the party goers still there. The intoxicated Gryffindor walked towards the table, his hips hitting the wood as he reached his goal. Harry reached towards the bottle of Fire Whiskey he had spotted from across the room, intending to pour himself yet another glass but, when his hand grasped the cool bottle, he found it was lighter than expected.  
Too light; there was nothing left.

Pansy Parkinson, who was also at the table, frowned slightly at the lack of alcohol before turning towards Harry with puppy dog eyes.

"Potter, will you please go get some alcohol more please?" she stared at him expectantly, as if he should know exactly what she had just said.

"Er, from where?" Harry asked in a tone more confused than polite.

"Oh, of course! You, being a stupid Gryffindor, wouldn't know where it is." She turned around quickly and almost fell before righting herself and hollering towards the other side of the room.

"Draco! Hey! DRACO! Yeah, YOU! GET YOUR BOOZED UP ASS OVER HERE!"

Malfoy giggled slightly before skipping gracefully and coming to an almost perfect stop before Pansy.

"Yo, Pans?"

Parkinson pouted, poutily. "We have no more booze and Potter here," She threw a thumb in Harry's direction, "doesn't know where to get more."

Draco sighed. "He wouldn't, would he, being a Gryffindor and all. Alright, I suppose I'll go. But Potter's coming too. No way am I being caught alone again. Plus, next time, he can go by himself."

With that Draco promptly turned and walked out the door, stepping over Neville (who was snuggled up against Blaise Zabini) on the way. Pansy gave Harry a slight push who, after stumbling for a moment, rushed out after the blonde in search of more alcohol.

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**A/N: This is a collaboration between the wonderful Narbiglarb and myself. Both of us are terrible at Titles and Summaries and such so if anyone has any suggestions, let us know in a P.M. **

**Also, we have both admitted our addiction to reviews, and it would help out tons if you could provide us with some. Or pasta salad. :)**


	2. Getting Lost and Sodding Hippogriffs

Chapter 2  
Draco knew perfectly well where he was going, and he knew perfectly well that he wasn't going anywhere towards any alcohol.  
He was leading Harry down a deserted corridor and he wasn't exactly sure why.

After he felt that he had walked enough to suit his fancy, Draco sat down against the cool, stone wall and folded his arms, preparing to enjoy Harry's presumably confused reaction.  
He wasn't disappointed.

Harry stopped mid-stride to give Draco a skeptical look. "Malfoy?" he asked, uncertain. Shrugging, he sat down jovially down next to the blonde.

Draco was startled but hid it well, having experience in hiding his emotions before. He smiled and turned to face Harry. Before now, he had felt tipsy, but now he was alert.

"Do you want to play a game?" Draco asked.

"I LOVE GAMES!" The drunken Gryffindor shouted gleefully.

"How about we ask each other some question?"

Harry thought about it, then nodded his head. "Sure. Do you want to ask me?"  
"I asked you if I wanted to play the game, didn't I?" Draco drawled with a smirk. "I'm sure you can come up with something, right, Potter?"

"Fine then," Harry snapped before biting his lower lip and looking too damn cute for Draco's liking."What was the worst..." he paused, finding a way to phrase his question properly. "ailment... that you've ever had?"

"Well," Draco began, cocking his head to one side and scrunching his face up in concentration. Several moments later, he frowned. "I'm sure you already know, Potter, as it's your fault."

At this, Harry looked utterly confused. "Well, go on, then," he encouraged.

Draco sighed, as if he didn't want to admit that anything could ail him. Especially something as stupid as a hippogriff.

"It was back in the third year, when that bloody overgrown chicken attacked me in Care of Magical Creatures," he paused to look at Harry, to make sure his story was being well-received. "You remember that, don't you, Potter?"

After a scoff and a drunken nod, Draco was off again.

"You pranced around on that... thing-"

"Hippogriff."

"Whatever," scoffed Draco, rolling his eyes. Really, he was surprised that they were getting on this well. "The point is that I was attacked by a gigantic animal. And even though Madam Pomfrey could mend my arm, it still hurt."

Draco closed his eyes and caressed his arm, as if the memories brought him actual pain.

"I thought," Harry started, his face full of confusion, "I thought that you just made up all of that crap so Buckbeak would be executed."  
"Oh yeah," Draco recalled with a grin. "That was kind of funny."

Harry snorted his response, too drunk to start an argument.

"It did hurt for several days. And the physical pain was nothing like the emotional trauma that followed. A giant bird preferred you to me? Something didn't like me? And, of course, it was absolutely terrifying to have something that powerful take a stab at me – what?" Draco had stopped due to tiny giggles that had been escaping Harry's lips for the past several seconds.

"No, no. Please, go on," Harry said, turning his amused expression into a serious one.

"Were you laughing at me?" asked Draco incredulously.

"Is that your question?" Harry shot back.

"No!" Draco quickly clarified. "Of course not!" He paused for a moment, in thought.


	3. Snogging Weasley

**Chapter 3**

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"Have you snogged Weasley yet?" Draco asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Harry assumed Malfoy meant Ginny, but if he had meant Ron, he wouldn't be the first. Boys usually don't become as close as the two Gryffindor stars without something going on in the background. Take Dean and Seamus for example. But the actual fact was that the  
"Only Weasly I've ever snogged was George. It was quite nice." Harry giggled as he remembered the slightly awkward kiss.

Draco blinked, surprised. "You mean you and Weaselette have never... Wait, what? Isn't he a guy?"

Harry found he was blushing before mentally bashing himself and lifting his gaze to meet Draco's. "Yup. He's the one who brought me over the fence, though we're long over. It was more of a one time thing. And Ginny and I've never been a couple. She just did that for me so the admirers- though I like to call them stalkers- would stop sending me love potions."

Draco curious look spurred Harry into continuing his reminiscent thoughts aloud.

"The kiss happened the summer of Sixth Year. Ron and Hermione had just hooked up and kept sneaking away for 'secret' snogging sessions. I went outside to give them a few moments and clear my head." Harry shook his head slightly, accidentally "George were out there also. To this day I still don't know where Fred had ran off to. We started talking at first, joking and laughing but I could tell something was troubling him."

Draco interrupted. "Let me guess, you the proceeded to nobly ask him what was muddling up his," Malfoy put on a falsetto accent "'perfect, gorgeous, mind' and he admitted to loving you for years then grabbed you and snogged you for minutes that seemed to both go on forever and end too soon, giving you your very first kiss?"

Harry chuckled. "Wow, are you jealous, Malfoy? Seems like you've imagined doing just that to someone else. Don't worry, I told you before, it was a one time thing."

Draco almost blushed but covered it with a scoff.

"So if it didn't happen like that..."

Harry hid his smile at the thought of Draco Malfoy asking him questions and letting his facade down slightly, just because he thought Harry was drunk. Thought being the key word. As soon as Malfoy had led him around a third corner he didn't recognize, he wordlessly cast a Sobriety Charm. He'd had enough to drink anyway, and one of the boys needed to be alert. Even if it was a minimal chance that something unusual was going to happen. Now though, Harry was delighted that he had cast the charm. Imagine, if he woke up and couldn't remember tonight!

"I almost asked him what was wrong, but I didn't need to. He trusted me and told me without my having to ask. He'd been gay for quite a while, the whole family knew, but he told me that lately he had been having weird dreams. For a moment I thought he was having dreams about girls again. What he told me however, was that he had been dreaming about me." Harry threw in a giggle here, to keep up the act of being intoxicated. "I didn't really know what to think. He had always been like a brother to me. I was going to let him down gently, tell him I wasn't into blokes and all that nonsense, when he touched my shoulder and asked if he could kiss me. I was bloody stunned. He said it with so much conflict in his tone though, that I heard myself saying 'yes' before consciously considering it. I might have reconsidered. Maybe I would've tried to stop him, if only he hadn't made me look at him. As soon as I saw his eyes, I was done for." Harry sighed, thinking of a completely different pair of eyes, which were currently staring intently at his face. "After the kiss, George apologized and started spluttering. He was content, you see. He didn't want any more. 'Just one kiss' he promised in the beginning, and he stuck to it. I wasn't disappointed, really. He was still like a brother, but now the tortured look was out of his expressions and I was perfectly okay with what happened. It was weird, but everything went back to normal after that, though occasionally he and I would look at each other and smile. Everyone thought we had pulled off some big prank or something."

Malfoy was silent, his mouth agape. Finally, he found his voice, "Your version was worse than mine, Potter, you ponce. And you didn't even describe the kiss!"

Harry's eyes glimmered.

"You could always ask me to for your next question, _Draco_, if you're that interested."

"Oh, but it's your turn to ask the questions, Potter." The blonde returned, mistaking the slip of his given name to be alcohol induced.

"Hmm, right. Er, aha! Since we're on the topic, who in Gryffindor would you most likely shag?"

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**A/N's:**

**Me-You might as well answer the question, yourself. And while your at it, you could always slip in how much you like the story. If you wanted to. Y'know, no pressure. **

******Narbiglarb- I LOVE YOU. **

******Me-So, who in Gryffindor would you most like to shag? **


	4. Shagging Thomas

**Chapter 4**

Immediately, Draco's mind went to Harry. Did Draco want to shag Harry? Definitely not. He _was_ a bit tipsy. His mind tended to think weird things under the influence of alcohol.

"I thought we were on the topic of kissing Weasels, not shagging Gryffindors!" Draco quipped, crossing his arms rather childishly, almost falling over in the process. He quickly righted himself, keen on being the one in control.

Harry smiled and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"You shagged the ginger, didn't you Potter?" the Slytherin accused. Harry didn't miss the small hint of jealousy.

"It's your turn to answer the questions, Malfoy," slurred the Gryffindor. "Now, tell me, who in Gryffindor would you want to shag the most?"

Again, Draco's mind immediately went to the boy sitting next to him. He tried to believe that it was just the alcohol, but he couldn't _quite_ convince himself. Harry was looking quite irresistible...

"As if I haven't already shagged half of Gryffindor house," bragged the blond boy. "but, if I had to choose, I would go with," he barely stopped himself from saying Harry's name, "Dean Thomas."

"Really?" asked Harry. "Why is that?" The Gryffindor had a hard time suppressing loud peals of laughter.

"Yes," the Slytherin replied impatiently; he was never one to stand being laughed at. "Have you _seen _his bum?"

Harry was no longer able to restrain his laughter, and his loud giggles echoed through the empty hall.

"Do you require of an explanation, _Potter?"_Draco inquired, his words slurring without him realizing it.

"That would lovely, _Drakey," _teased the raven-haired boy.

"As I've already said, that boy is _fit," – _He didn't pause when Harry let out another giggle, even though he looked so adorable – "and he's gay, so he wouldn't have a problem with that –"

"Dean's gay?" piped Harry, surprised. His question was moot; he already knew that Dean way gay – he spent every moment in the common room with Seamus. Really, he was surprised that _Draco_ was gay. What about he and Pansy? Harry frowned at the explosive jealousy that echoed through his chest at the thought of Draco shagging Dean. Dean, really? If Draco _was_ gay, he would deserve much better than Dean. Then Harry blushed, realising just exactly _who_ he had in mind to take Dean's place. He giggled a third time to distract Draco from noticing.

"Of course, Harry!" – for whatever reason, Draco felt a thrill go through him at the accidental use of Harry's name – "What do you think he does with Finnegin?"

"Oh! I forgot. Oops!" the Gryffindor covered, looking far too adorable for Draco to stand.

"But wait- ?" started Harry, looking dangerously curious.

"Potter, you've already asked your question. It's my turn again."

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**A/N: Cliffie on the question again. MWAHAHAHAHAH!**


	5. A Very Memorable Potions Class

**Chapter 5**

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"So, Potter, what's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?"

Harry's brow furrowed slightly as he thought. His most embarrassing memory. Was it the time he walked in on Hermione and Ron snogging? No. Shagging? Close, but still no. What about the time when the twins had given him a candy to test and it had contained a mild form of lust potion in it? Snape, S_nape!_ had given him an erection! That definitely won, but Harry decided that no way in Slytherin would Draco, or anyone for that matter, _ever_ find out about that.

The next most embarrassing thing he could ever remember happening to him was when he had woken up the morning after a party eerily similar to the one Harry and Draco had previously been attending, only to find himself in another boy's bed. Luckily, it had been a Gryffindor's bed and the other boy assured him nothing had happened between them. Of course, Draco really didn't need to know _all_ the details.

"Sixth Year. The Gryffindor's and Hufflepuffs had been celebrating for some reason or another. I...I had some business to attend to and was consequently late for the party." Said business had actually included stalking Draco until he was sure the castle was safe from the menace called 'Malfoy'. The blonde boy looked at Harry with wide, curious eyes, as if hanging on every word Harry said. The thought made a shudder ripple through him. Draco was so different from their earlier school years. Still a prat, but different somehow. It seemed he had toned down his arrogance quite a bit.

"The twins, of course, made me drink an extra shot for every 10 minutes I had missed, which actually added up to be quite a few. The last thing I remember is running from the Common Room to the Dormitory with my shirt in my hand after an interesting game invented by the Wealeys."

Harry paused for barely a moment, and still Draco scoffed.

"Really, Po-Harry? _That's_ your embarrassing moment? Letting your fellow Gryffindor's see you shirtless?" Draco was most definitely still drunk, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

"Just because Slytherins think it's okay to walk around naked constantly doesn't make it right." The thought of Draco doing _anything_ naked made Harry's trousers feel suddenly all too tight.

"Big, bad Potter can defeat the Dark Lord but gets frightened by a little bit of skin? I would never have guessed. Though I'd bet you'd let _me_ see you, right?"

Harry was so concerned at keeping his erection from being noticed he didn't hear the last, murmured question Draco had posed. He shifted again, suddenly wishing Draco wasn't watching Harry close enough to notice the bulge beginning to form in his nether regions.

His hope was in vain. Draco certainly _had_ noticed Potter's little 'problem' and vaguely wondered if he'd ever be able to help fix this one. Then he shook his head. Everyone was aroused by him, men and women alike; why should Potter be any exception? Draco knew he should correct Potter and his skewed opinion of Slytherin get togethers but he found it quite amusing to think that Potter was getting hard based on silly rumors. He had heard that there were rumors stating that it was practically an eternal orgy down in the cold, concealed dungeons of course, but he never thought Potter would actually believe them to be true. Is that why Potter's little posse had brought him tonight? Was the ginger hoping to finally get lucky with his best friend, or maybe both of them?

"And anyways," Harry continued, looking back at Draco to make sure he was still paying attention and interrupting his (curious) inner monologue, "I wasn't finished."

Malfoy's eyes were strangely beautiful, and filled with thought. Harry found himself almost getting lost in his gaze before resuming his explanation. "The embarrassing part came when I woke up in the morning. In someone else's bed. In a _male_ someone else's bed. To this day I thank Merlin it wasn't some crazed fan girl's bed. I was so drunk I would've gone home with _you, _Draco." Harry barely suppressed another shudder at the thought of lying in Draco Malfoy's bed. The shudder also could have been due to the ability to say the Slytherin's first name without being hexed seven different ways. "Luckily, and coincidently now I've heard your inner most desire, it was Dean I ended up sleeping with."

Harry heard a gasp of surprise and quickly realised Malfoy had seen a different meaning in his harmless words. He laughed loudly at the completely shocked look on his enemy's face and also at the fact that one little noise from this git-like god had made him harder than even Snape had that terrible, horrifying day. [I LOVE THIS]

"Haha, no, Dray," Oh, how he loved the way the nickname sounded coming from his own lips; so effortless. "It wasn't like that. We literally only slept together. Like, dead-to-the-world stuff with maybe a little bit of unintentional snuggling. Funny thing is, Dean was straight before that. I probably should have gone after him as soon as he let me know he was gay but Seamus had become quite smitten with the boy and who was I to deny their fun?"

"Well, aren't you nice and pure, Potter? If _I _were given the opportunity to shag the hottest Gryffindor, I definitely wouldn't have wasted it."

Harry couldn't help but feel a flare of jealousy that Malfoy didn't think _he _was the hottest Gryffindor. "I was drunk, you poncy git," Harry pretended to hiccup, remembering that he was supposed to be intoxicated, "It's not very easy to control what's happening when my brain's been addled with. I think someone might've slipped me a lust potion, too. I was feeling weirdly attached to Crookshanks that night... and anyway, I liked someone else, at the time."

"Who, then?" asked Malfoy. "It was probably me, since I know you were obsessed with me that year."

"How- wait no! I wasn't obsessed with you!" Harry spluttered defensively. "I was more interested in _Crookshanks _than with you!"

"Open your eyes, Scar Face! We've obviously been obsessed with each other for a while!" the Slytherin drawled with a very Malfoy-like smirk.

Harry frowned and attempted to deny the accusation while also trying to stop his heart from doing that weird beat at the notion of Draco being obsessed with Harry as well. "I assure you, Oh Mighty Prince of Slytherin, that I am not at _all_ obsessed with you."

"So says the years of flirting -"

"That definitely _wasn't flirting." Liar! _His brain screamed.

"And the fact that you're sitting right here next to me -"

"That is due wholly to the fact that I am unable to stand. I'm HAMMERED, you ponce!" _LIES!_

"And either you keep wand in your trousers or you're finding that you're -"

"You know what, Draco? Just, just shut up." Harry folded his arms and, in a fashion very like that of an upset first year, glared at Draco.

"Oh come on, Potty. It's your turn for a question." Draco said with a smug tone of finality. "Surely there are still some mysteries about me you'd like solved."

If Malfoy only knew how much he still boggled Harry. The Gryffindor sighed, collecting his thoughts, before thinking of a suitable question.

"Ever had a crush on a teacher then, Draco?"

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**A/N: Thanks to ****Lunacy Scarletsky**** who is fantastic and everyone who's added Bamboozled to their Favorites list and/or put in on Alert.**

**I, personally, can't _wait _for the next chapter. ;) **


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